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Oi Human over 'ere !!!

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I'm not 70 yet, but plan on hanging on to these until I am...

I was standing at the bar one night, minding my own business. This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, "You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?”
I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?”
She said, "Yeah, I got a pen”.
I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you.”

Cost me 6 stitches...but, when you're over seventy.... who cares?

**********

Cowboy: "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please.”
Lady Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?”
Cowboy: "Nah... She's purty good lookin'.....”

When you're over seventy...............who cares?

***********

I was talking to a young woman in the bar last night.
She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right.”
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you.”

Cost me a fat lip, but... When you're over seventy....who cares?

**********

I was telling a woman in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts. "Really" she said, "Go on then... try.”
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?
I said, "Yesterday.”

Cost me a kick in the nuts, but... When you're over seventy...who cares?

***********

I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today. The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

Cost me a bloody nose, but... When you're over seventy...who cares?
 
Motogiro said:
I have to give it too him with for his resourcefulness and imagination as well as skills to build that bike but........I still don't understand what he was doing in the middle of the desert in those little undies.....
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I was gonna say he needed his jocks to make a fan belt but then I read the article and looked at the bike he built and I'm just thinking ,I don't know what I'm thinking, but the line: "once seen, it can't be UNSEEN" comes to mind.
 
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