Men are like......

[jsteinb95]

I just received this e-mail...I thought it was hilarious!!!
:thumbup:

For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here's an update for you: Now days, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.

Men are like....

1. Men are like ..Laxatives .... They irritate the crap out of you.


2. Men are like...Bananas... The older they get, the less firm they are.


3. Men are like...Weather...Nothing can be done to change them.


4. Men are like...Blenders...You need One, but you're not quite sure why.


5. Men are like...Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.


6. Men are like ....Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say.


7. Men are like...Department Stores .... Their clothes are always 1/2 off!


8. Men are like ...... Government Bonds ... They take soooooooo long to mature.


9. Men are like ..... Mascara... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.


10. Men are like...Popcorn .... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.


11. Men are like...Snowstorms ... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.


12. Men are like .......Lava Lamps ... Fun to look at, but not very bright.


13. Men are like...Parking Spots... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

 

[Fred]

Not bad. In the interests of equality, I submit this.

 

[jsteinb95]

Not bad. In the interests of equality, I submit this.

LOL....unfortunately, that is very true! :thumbup:

 

[jsteinb95]

a lot of these you could add wo in front of them and it would be perfect.

nah....it just wouldn't make sense.

 

[trampld]

nah....it just wouldn't make sense.

Says the woman...

( j/k )

 

[4fun]

Why do Women always pick on men, you know you can't live without us!




Who else would go out and buy you batteries

 

[jsteinb95]

Why do Women always pick on men, you know you can't live without us!




Who else would go out and buy you batteries

we pick on men because it's fun... you know you can't live without us!!!

That's right....I do need batteries for my airplanes!

 

[christod1]

THIS IS FOR MEN TIRED OF RECEIVING MALE BASHING JOKES

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be
opened by the time she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will
probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those
"evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the
kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me."

How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on
the oven.


What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman that won't do
what she's told.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was
Always.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to
interrupt her.

What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex
drive by 90%.It is called Wedding Cake.

Marriage is a 3-ring circus:
Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.

Our last fight was my fault.
My wife asked me "What's on the TV?" I said,"Dust!"

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God
created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither
God nor Man has rested.

Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo
rive and said "I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked
at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."

Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of
Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: "That happens in every country, son."

A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: "Wife
Wanted.."
The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the
same thing "You can have mine."

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday?
Forget it once.

Women will never be equal to men until: They can walk down the
street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are
beautiful.

 

[christod1]

THIS IS FOR MEN TIRED OF RECEIVING MALE BASHING JOKES

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be
opened by the time she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will
probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those
"evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the
kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me."

How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on
the oven.


What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman that won't do
what she's told.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was
Always.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to
interrupt her.

What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex
drive by 90%.It is called Wedding Cake.

Marriage is a 3-ring circus:
Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.

Our last fight was my fault.
My wife asked me "What's on the TV?" I said,"Dust!"

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God
created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither
God nor Man has rested.

Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo
rive and said "I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked
at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."

Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of
Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: "That happens in every country, son."

A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: "Wife
Wanted.."
The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the
same thing "You can have mine."

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday?
Forget it once.

Women will never be equal to men until: They can walk down the
street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are
beautiful.

 

[reiobard]

LOL....unfortunately, that is very true! :thumbup:

they both are...