Skrapiron
Mr. Know-It-All
True story. I know, because I was there!
Let me begin by admitting the obvious. I, am a dead man! If I'm lucky, my wife will just kill me quickly. If not, she's going to make me suffer for a LONG time before letting me finally die... (I'm thinking death by 10,000 knitting needle pokes).
It all began on Tuesday. I got a phone call from my friend of mine. He wanted to know if I was interested in joining him at the Quaker Steak and Lube's bike night in Pleasant Hills.
It is only 20 miles from here, an easy 35 minute ride. I said sure, then asked Weregrouch if she and the kids would like to come along. It was to be a fun family night out.
Wednesday rolled around and with it a line of violent thunderstorms. One went through about 1600 and the skies cleared. I looked at the radar and saw no immediate threat, except for a small cell that was well to the north. I told them to saddle up and we hit the road around 1700. Almost as an afterthought, we packed the rain gear. More on that, later... We set off for bike night.... Me and my son on my C50 and my wife and daughter on the FZ6.
The evening started going down hill from there. Just about the time we got to the interstate, my wife told me she needed gas. 'How much do you have?' I asked. '2 bars' she said. That's plenty to get where we're going, you can gas up on the way.
We got on the interstate and we proceeded to SIT in what was nothing short of LEGENDARY traffic. It took us almost an HOUR to cover 6 miles... in stifling heat and humidity. Remember those 2 bars on her gas gauge? Well, she was on her reserve before we got half way there.
While looking for a gas station, we saw no fewer than 6 on the left side of the highway. There must be a law against gas stations on the RIGHT side of the highway, because we could not find even one. Neither one of us was interested in making a series of left hand turns across 6 lanes of traffic during rush hour, so we went on up the road, looking for a gas station on OUR side of the road.
About a mile from our destination, we found one. A glistening oasis of fuel and automotive lubricants. She pulled to the pump, I paid with my card at the pump, she put the nozzle in her tank, pulled the handle and....... Nothing happened. No fuel was dispensed.
We hung up the hose and tried again... Twice. No gas. Nada.
So I had her wheel the bike back to another set of pumps where we tried again. This time, the pump started dispensing gas.... But the pump did not register anything. According to the gas pump, we never got any gas, but I pumped in a few gallons at least.
I have tried to always be the kind of man that Diogenes was searching for, so I had my wife go up to the cashier and tell her what happened. She came out and said 'The computer says you didn't pump anything. I can't charge you for what you didn't get...' Ok... Half a tank of free gas. Cool... This turned out to be the only bright spot of the evening.
No sooner do we get back on the highway heading south, when we run into a resurfacing project. The road turned into a cheese grater that wandered from side to side. It was a chore fighting the bike from wanting to wander into the next lane.
We got to the restaurant, just in time to watch the storm (remember the SMALL cell that was well to the north?) barrel in. The bike night was cancelled just as we pulled in. Glorious... We just spent an hour and a half getting there and they cancelled the event! Chit! Well, we're here, let's get some dinner.
We ate our dinner and waited out the storm. When we left, the skies were clearing so we started home.
Again, my wife's bike was in need of fuel, but I said... "You have enough to get home!" How wrong I was!!!!!
About 3 miles up the highway, traffic came to a screeching halt. No reason (at least as far as we could see) but it was not going anywhere...
It turned out that the heavy rain had flooded the roadway about a mile ahead of us. Only one lane was passable, but only if we rode near the far right curb and even then, the water came up over my floor boards!!!!!
We got through that obstacle, and thought we were in for smooth sailing. Um, no chance... A half mile from the first flooded section of road, we ran into a second. This time, we were forced to detour onto a side street. I only have passing knowledge of the area and now, I'm being directed by the police to go in a direction I don't want to, on a street I am unfamiliar with. Great.
The road (if you want to call it that) was strewn with storm debris. Not just silt and branches, but freaking rocks and small boulders!!!! I had to play dodgem, while riding up hill, in the dark, on a street I have never been on before with ANOTHER storm brewing off to the north.
At the top of the hill, the 'detour' route ran into another 'detour' The freaking road was closed!!!!! So we turned left and went up ANOTHER hill.
This road, made the last road look like a smooth stretch of the Autobahn by comparison. The city of Pittsburgh had milled the surface and all that crap was now piled in the street. Add on to that pot holes... Check that, craters that were large enough to swallow a bike. I saw them just in time to swerve out of the way. My wife...... Did not.
I parked the bike at the top of the next hill and walked back to see if I could help. She never dropped the bike, but was having a hell of a time getting it out of the hole.... Eventually we ended up on Broadway Ave in Dormont. Somewhere that I had a vague idea of where I was. At the end of Broadway was a gas station. Hallelujah! Right? Nope... The storms knocked out the power and they could not reset the gas pumps.
Bad word, bad word, bad word, bad word, bad word!
We rode down the hill again to another gas station, only to find their pumps out of order as well. Only one worked.... Period.
We gassed both bikes up on that one pump, then headed back towards Banksville rd and home....
Unfortunately, the same problem that we had on Rt51 on the other side of the hill, plagued us on Banksville road. Standing water, storm debris and freaking boulders in the road.
Eventually, we made our way back to the interstate and home, just before ANOTHER line of thunder storms rolled through. It's raining like crazy right now....
So, as I said in the beginning, I am a dead man. My wife has decreed that unless the event is less than 10 miles from our house and there is NO THREAT of rain, she will pass...... Somehow, I don't blame her.
Let me begin by admitting the obvious. I, am a dead man! If I'm lucky, my wife will just kill me quickly. If not, she's going to make me suffer for a LONG time before letting me finally die... (I'm thinking death by 10,000 knitting needle pokes).
It all began on Tuesday. I got a phone call from my friend of mine. He wanted to know if I was interested in joining him at the Quaker Steak and Lube's bike night in Pleasant Hills.
It is only 20 miles from here, an easy 35 minute ride. I said sure, then asked Weregrouch if she and the kids would like to come along. It was to be a fun family night out.
Wednesday rolled around and with it a line of violent thunderstorms. One went through about 1600 and the skies cleared. I looked at the radar and saw no immediate threat, except for a small cell that was well to the north. I told them to saddle up and we hit the road around 1700. Almost as an afterthought, we packed the rain gear. More on that, later... We set off for bike night.... Me and my son on my C50 and my wife and daughter on the FZ6.
The evening started going down hill from there. Just about the time we got to the interstate, my wife told me she needed gas. 'How much do you have?' I asked. '2 bars' she said. That's plenty to get where we're going, you can gas up on the way.
We got on the interstate and we proceeded to SIT in what was nothing short of LEGENDARY traffic. It took us almost an HOUR to cover 6 miles... in stifling heat and humidity. Remember those 2 bars on her gas gauge? Well, she was on her reserve before we got half way there.
While looking for a gas station, we saw no fewer than 6 on the left side of the highway. There must be a law against gas stations on the RIGHT side of the highway, because we could not find even one. Neither one of us was interested in making a series of left hand turns across 6 lanes of traffic during rush hour, so we went on up the road, looking for a gas station on OUR side of the road.
About a mile from our destination, we found one. A glistening oasis of fuel and automotive lubricants. She pulled to the pump, I paid with my card at the pump, she put the nozzle in her tank, pulled the handle and....... Nothing happened. No fuel was dispensed.
We hung up the hose and tried again... Twice. No gas. Nada.
So I had her wheel the bike back to another set of pumps where we tried again. This time, the pump started dispensing gas.... But the pump did not register anything. According to the gas pump, we never got any gas, but I pumped in a few gallons at least.
I have tried to always be the kind of man that Diogenes was searching for, so I had my wife go up to the cashier and tell her what happened. She came out and said 'The computer says you didn't pump anything. I can't charge you for what you didn't get...' Ok... Half a tank of free gas. Cool... This turned out to be the only bright spot of the evening.
No sooner do we get back on the highway heading south, when we run into a resurfacing project. The road turned into a cheese grater that wandered from side to side. It was a chore fighting the bike from wanting to wander into the next lane.
We got to the restaurant, just in time to watch the storm (remember the SMALL cell that was well to the north?) barrel in. The bike night was cancelled just as we pulled in. Glorious... We just spent an hour and a half getting there and they cancelled the event! Chit! Well, we're here, let's get some dinner.
We ate our dinner and waited out the storm. When we left, the skies were clearing so we started home.
Again, my wife's bike was in need of fuel, but I said... "You have enough to get home!" How wrong I was!!!!!
About 3 miles up the highway, traffic came to a screeching halt. No reason (at least as far as we could see) but it was not going anywhere...
It turned out that the heavy rain had flooded the roadway about a mile ahead of us. Only one lane was passable, but only if we rode near the far right curb and even then, the water came up over my floor boards!!!!!
We got through that obstacle, and thought we were in for smooth sailing. Um, no chance... A half mile from the first flooded section of road, we ran into a second. This time, we were forced to detour onto a side street. I only have passing knowledge of the area and now, I'm being directed by the police to go in a direction I don't want to, on a street I am unfamiliar with. Great.
The road (if you want to call it that) was strewn with storm debris. Not just silt and branches, but freaking rocks and small boulders!!!! I had to play dodgem, while riding up hill, in the dark, on a street I have never been on before with ANOTHER storm brewing off to the north.
At the top of the hill, the 'detour' route ran into another 'detour' The freaking road was closed!!!!! So we turned left and went up ANOTHER hill.
This road, made the last road look like a smooth stretch of the Autobahn by comparison. The city of Pittsburgh had milled the surface and all that crap was now piled in the street. Add on to that pot holes... Check that, craters that were large enough to swallow a bike. I saw them just in time to swerve out of the way. My wife...... Did not.
I parked the bike at the top of the next hill and walked back to see if I could help. She never dropped the bike, but was having a hell of a time getting it out of the hole.... Eventually we ended up on Broadway Ave in Dormont. Somewhere that I had a vague idea of where I was. At the end of Broadway was a gas station. Hallelujah! Right? Nope... The storms knocked out the power and they could not reset the gas pumps.
Bad word, bad word, bad word, bad word, bad word!
We rode down the hill again to another gas station, only to find their pumps out of order as well. Only one worked.... Period.
We gassed both bikes up on that one pump, then headed back towards Banksville rd and home....
Unfortunately, the same problem that we had on Rt51 on the other side of the hill, plagued us on Banksville road. Standing water, storm debris and freaking boulders in the road.
Eventually, we made our way back to the interstate and home, just before ANOTHER line of thunder storms rolled through. It's raining like crazy right now....
So, as I said in the beginning, I am a dead man. My wife has decreed that unless the event is less than 10 miles from our house and there is NO THREAT of rain, she will pass...... Somehow, I don't blame her.
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