Your Thoughts on my Story?

[chunkygoat]

Sorry in advance for the lengthy post. Any thoughts or opinions from the family here on the forums is respected and appreciated.

First off, I would like to state that I am almost at my breaking point. I am in need of a life changing event. I lost my job 3 years ago, and drowned myself in debt. Well for 3 months now, I have been working 7 days, 60 hours, a week. I have been desperately trying to get my head above water and I finally have succeeded.

It took me long years to recover from one honest, unknowing mistake. I sold my car in February, and have had just my Fz6 for transportation for 8 months. As much as i LOVE riding, 8 months of rain or shine riding has taken its toll. I finally caved and bought a car for the coming winter, so this is certainly stress off my shoulders. I also payed back approximately 70% of my debt. I project that in 4 more months, I will have my head completely above water again.

So now, to get myself out of debt, like I said, I have been working 7 days a week, at 60 hours+ a week. I literally never see my family, and have 0 friends. I don't ride anywhere but to work or home, and I don't talk to anybody but my sister on occasion. My family is mad at me for moving away from them, and my friends have taken my 60 hour work weeks as a message that I do not want to see them again. The fact is, I have zero time for myself, and its affecting all of my relationships, my sanity, and my happiness.

The things I used to do for fun aren't even a remote possibility anymore due to my honest fatigue levels, and complete lack of time. I've completely lost myself, and do not know how to enjoy life anymore - and I know exactly where this problem is rooting from....work.

I've determined that I need to start having fun again, and see very few solutions to my issue. Because my head is still submerged, I relentlessly work every day to recover, so I can hold a bank account in my name, and not have creditors hunting me.

I've boiled it down to 2 major life changes I can choose from that are right for me - both have ups and downs. I can either:

A: Pay my debt, go back to school, and try to allot more time for my friends and family.

B: Join the military, have them pay my debt, save money, learn a skill, and come back 4 years later with a fresh start.

Neither of which will be easy, A will be more difficult to push myself to do it, on my own, but will give me more freedom and time with family and friends. B will give me more money, a better looking resume, and to be honest, a more intense adventure (which I feel is the change I may be seeking), but less freedom and time for family.

All I know is I cannot sustain 7 day work weeks with no friends or family anymore. What are your guys' thoughts here? Any encouraging words before I make a decision? Can anybody think of any other options I may not have taken into consideration? Has anybody else experienced something similar?

You guys are the closest I have to friends, and are the only ones I can really talk with, so any input is appreciated.

Thank you for letting me tell my story, it is the first time it has come out in length. And thank you anybody who read and listened, even if you have nothing to say, thank you for listening.

Matt

 

[dysfoundation]

If you go for the military DONT TELL THEM ABOUT ANY MEDICAL PROBLEMS. they wont find them and if you do it makes enlisting 10x harder

Sent from my LG-P509 using Tapatalk

 

[chunkygoat]

I forgot to mention, the job I work at has given me awards for maintaining perfect attendance and 120%+ efficiency. They have offered me another full time job with benefits, but I did not say yes because I know I am miserable, but rich here.

So do I sacrifice my own happiness and time to make tons of money that I can't spend and won't enjoy? Do I take the job that makes me miserable because it makes a lot of money?

There is so much on my plate, I cannot eat it all. If anybody has seen the movie Waiting, I feel like I need to create my own "***** showing game," or in other words, a catalyst for the change necessary for me to be happy.

 

[RJ2112]

If you are under ~25, I'd say a stint in the military would give you many of the things you are seeking. Friends. Spare time. Skills you M-A-Y use later in life. Money for further education, if you elect to pursue that option. Training that WILL serve you later in life... self discipline, communication skills, interpersonal skills on a scope you cannot achieve staying in one area your whole life.

You'll get a whole bunch of shots for diseases you would never hear of otherwise.

You will be homesick on occasion. You will be bored. You will be tired. You will also be exposed to a world less than 10% of the populace knows anything about.

It's a big decision. I'd think about it quite a bit, and talk to the former military members (and especially those who are actively serving) about what branch, what sort of skills you want to develop, and what opportunities you have.

Your score on the ASVAB makes a difference on what you can do. So does your physical health... if you have food allergies, you cannot join, for instance. If you are overweight, you must trim down before you can go to boot. Most services won't even sign you up beyond a certain level of body fat. Color vision. Hearing. (I once met a woman who was rejected by the MEPS Dr's, due to her massive cleavage.....).

If you have a criminal record, that will restrict your choices of MOS. If you have financial problems (kudos for sorting that out), you may not be able to get into jobs requiring a security clearance.

 

[The Toecutter]

You have got your plate piled full!! I was working 40+ hours a week and still sinking deeper and deeper into debt because of inflation and no wage increase! finaly about 30+ days into over a 100 degree weather in a shop built for a/c The owner claimed was Broken!! I said enough! and started piling up side work until i had a week's worth ,made an ad in Craigslist for my Road service mechanic business,and God has blessed me over and over again with steady work!! and I don't have to kill myself anymore trying to turn 80hrs a week to make a decent pay check!! I work maybe 20hrs a week and make Triple the money as my own Boss!! I don't know what your Trade skill's are but if you can find away to sell them for yourself you will be Very Happy! :thumbup: :rockon:

 

[chunkygoat]

If you are under ~25, I'd say a stint in the military would give you many of the things you are seeking. Friends. Spare time. Skills you M-A-Y use later in life. Money for further education, if you elect to pursue that option. Training that WILL serve you later in life... self discipline, communication skills, interpersonal skills on a scope you cannot achieve staying in one area your whole life.

You'll get a whole bunch of shots for diseases you would never hear of otherwise.

You will be homesick on occasion. You will be bored. You will be tired. You will also be exposed to a world less than 10% of the populace knows anything about.

It's a big decision. I'd think about it quite a bit, and talk to the former military members (and especially those who are actively serving) about what branch, what sort of skills you want to develop, and what opportunities you have.

Your score on the ASVAB makes a difference on what you can do. So does your physical health... if you have food allergies, you cannot join, for instance. If you are overweight, you must trim down before you can go to boot. Most services won't even sign you up beyond a certain level of body fat. Color vision. Hearing. (I once met a woman who was rejected by the MEPS Dr's, due to her massive cleavage.....).

If you have a criminal record, that will restrict your choices of MOS. If you have financial problems (kudos for sorting that out), you may not be able to get into jobs requiring a security clearance.

Thank you very much. I have been thinking about it for years now. I took the ASVAB and got a 78, My debt is under 3,000$ now, I have perfect vision, no health or weight issues, and no criminal record at all. This is a serious possibility for me - and I appreciate the input. I will try to talk to others I know (from high school years ago) if possible.

Thank you, I was leaning towards the military, I just am unsure if education first would be a better choice - as you would join as a captain if you already have an associates.

Thank you much for your time.

 

[Kaisersoze]

Thanks for sharing your story and since you have clearly taken the steps mentally and physically to change your situation for the better, I am more than positive everything will work out for you because you have already done the most difficult part. As for the miserable job that pays well, I can say I was in the same situation about 2 years ago. IMHO, its not worth the aggravation. I was working 50+ hours a week, all kinds of shifts, 1st, 2nd, and overnights. In the end, I spent MORE money just trying to cope from the stress of my job than it was worth taking in. Every decision in life comes with trade-offs and the best thing you can do for yourself is decide what it is that makes you happy and tailor your life to finding a balance that fits that. Remember, while money is necessary to live it is not the be all end all of happiness. As you have already stated, friends, family, and hobbies are all things that you hold dear and obviously value as an integral part of your life. Ultimately, those are the people and activities that are going to create lasting memories that you can look back on and be happy/proud of. No one checks their bank account on their death bed because you cant take it with you, but we do remember all the friends, loved ones, and memories that we shared.

 

[viviifz6]

My option C would be to cut your hours down and work yourself out of debt a few months after planned. Debt is a thing of life now a days and its nearly impossible to get around. Having a little debt isnt always a bad thing and you said that you have most of it paid off. I would, if possible, take that full time job, but work normal work weeks so you can spend more time with friends and family. If this isn't possible, then I would go with option A if you have the will power
Good Luck!

 

[IndyFZ6]

Option A, B or even C as mentioned by vivi will all work out. The military is a great option of you join for the right reasons. Just realize that if you enlist versus getting a degree first and then joining as an office, it is quite a large pay cut. Officers make considerably more money. As others have said, please try to remember that when you look back, people and relationships will be what mattered, not money. Not sure if you are a spiritual person or not, but if it is ok with you, I will pray for you to make the best decision. Just don't let the worries of the world control you, as many people do and then realize (often when it is too late) that the world is a cruel place that will eat you up and spit you out of you let it. Don't try to go it alone.

 

[FinalImpact]

You shared allot and there is one thing that makes even the worst jobs tolerable and that's a positive outlook. Even the best jobs can be life suckers if your attitude about them is negative. Been there.

That doesn't mean stay, it means prevail mentally. I'm not sure how old you are but you're being honorable by not burdening society with your debt. Hats off to you for paying it back.

I think my point is, its easier to get a job while you have one than trying to settle when you're desperate. I would certainly try and find a way to schedule some vacation time and rotate out those weekends. They gave you those accomplishments as you earned them. So see what you can do about stepping away for you're own well being. Knowing you have time off next week gives us something to look forward too. Also, reach out to those friends and tell them what's going on. No information leads ones mind to wonder and give doubt. Tell them your situation and tell them to keep an eye open for jobs in your field of experience.

I too have made a huge sacrifice taking on 8 years of financial burden that's killing me. I'm selling lots of things to make it over the hump as I can't pick up OT. It sucks, but having a good outlook is a primary factor in being OK. Get some time off, make it happen!

Edit: Something I don't see well is this - although the military can be allot of things, you asked for ways to get back with your friends and family. IMO - that is the least likely way to achieve it depending on what branch you follow. But most will require you're departure for training. Think about it, what if you're gone for 9 months? Are you ok with that? Is that placing you where you want to be? Just thinking out loud. Again, the whole age thing matters.

 

[Shinn]

My first idea after reading your post would be to talk to your boss somehow. It seems the company you are with really enjoy having you. Most places are willing to work with an employee they like. It all comes down to whether you hate your job, or whether the lifestyle of the 60+ is what you hate. If you enjoy what you do, as vivii mentioned, maybe it is worth sticking it out and looking at it more positively.

The military and school are both good choices. I do not know much about the military life, but I know with school there will be times where you won't be able to see friends or family just due to the work load you are assigned. And even though you can pick something you really enjoy doing, there is no guarantee you will get a job after you finish schooling, and you could be back at the same place you are now working tons of hours to pay off the schooling debt.

 

[Nelly]

I am not qualified to give you any life choice advice.
But coming form a family where members have been in the military. It is also a 24/7 job mate.
Thanks for sharing , and good luck.

Nelly

 

[LesL60]

Touching tale. You're the age of my kids, so I have some sympathy for your confusion over options. Since I'm a type A perfectionist, I recommend structured analysis. For each option, list the positives and negative, for both the short and long term. Write out a personal inventory. What are you really good at, what do you really love, what are your strongest values and principles? What are you truly bad at and what do you really dislike? What does your life look like after you pick a path and it works? Where do you want to live? In the answers are clues to how you're made. If your skills or strngths fit any one of the options you posited better than other options, that would be the first one to investigate.

Go talk to people doing what you would do. If it's the military, go talk to all branches recruiters, and then try to find someone you know or can arrange to meet who did it to get their views and experience. Think about whether or not you can see yourself doing what they describe. Don't believe all of the good or all of the bad. Life is both no matter what you do or where you go.

Homesickness in the military is real, but you would make friends with people who would fight and die to protect you. It's a brotherhood you can only understand if you've been in. I have not served (two effed heart valves courtesy of genetics) but I know many who are and have, including my youngest son. The service has made them into totally different people, with friends literally around the world. Hard work, risk, and opportunity. A mixed bag, of course.

I'm a business owner. I look for people with initiative, imagination, a sense of responsibility that is not limited by their job description or instructions, and who have a "will do" attitude. With what you've been through and what you've done, you're off to a far better start than you perceive.

Best of luck, and prayers for many blessings.

"Do your best, with what you have, wherever you are." Teddy Roosevelt

 

[DefyInertia]

How long is your commute(s) and are you doing physical labor?

 

[Kazza]

Only you can make such a life changing decision. You shouldn't let anyone else influence you either way.

You can't do things to please other people. In the end, it must come down to you. Family is of course important, but you still have to live with your decision.

You only get one chance at life - enjoy it

 

[Nomad]

There is much we don’t know about you and your situation, so it is difficult to offer meaningful advice. But, I’ll offer a quick analysis and a few suggestions based upon the information you have provided.

My first observation is that you sound overwhelmed with life. Rest assured, you’re not alone – especially at this time of economic downturn. Although you’ve centered on “work” as being the primary source of your problem, I would suggest your focus is misplaced. It is merely one of many issues before you -- not necessarily the most significant. And, if you believe “work” in the military would be less stressful and of shorter duration, you are mistaken. Military service can be very fulfilling and offers many opportunities, but life in the military is demanding, the hours are long, and the danger can be great. You should also know that many adults, including those in the military, work 60+ hours a week throughout their working lives and lead relatively happy lives. I suspect work is just one of the issues that cause you to feel overwhelmed.

The second observation I’ll offer is that it sounds like you’re making the transition from kid to adult. This is not just an age issue, it’s one of maturity. You have admittedly made mistakes (as have we all), but you have also recognized those mistakes and have made a concerted effort to resolve the problems that have arisen from the bad decisions. And, as your employer has recognized, you have a strong work ethic. You are to be commended for both of these attributes – they are a sign of maturity. Many people never make this transition. If you don’t have family or friends nearby to pat you on the back and tell you you’re getting your act together, let me do it from a distance. It sounds like you’re on the right track. Unfortunately, complete resolution doesn’t always happen overnight – you just need to keep going.

Because the significance of debt is relative to income, I don’t know whether your debt of <$3,000 is a major impediment to you. But, if it is, then I’d advise you to sell the FZ6. That should clear the debt and also offer savings for insurance, registration fees, maintenance, and gas. The lack of debt may let you readjust your work schedule so you won’t feel so overwhelmed. Also, if you decide to join the military, you’re just going to park the bike while you are in training. You can always replace the bike when you get the rest of your life in order.

But, rather than quickly jumping to the military or back to school (the two choices you’ve offered), I’d suggest you step back and examine your current situation and future aspirations. Sit down with pen and paper and write down, those things that would make life “good” for you. Then be realistic and see if you have the ability, knowledge, skill, etc. to get from where you are to where you want to be. If you are lacking in one, or more of the required areas, examine what it would take to overcome the deficiency. That may lead you back to school, to the military, or somewhere entirely different. You may benefit from the advice of family, a mentor, or trusted friend that could help you work through an examination of your strengths, weaknesses, and options.

I suspect the lack of direction is the real stressor in your life – developing a life plan through the above methodology should relieve much of the stress and put you on a path to your ultimate goal. Working hard towards a goal is much easier than working hard with no goal in sight (which is what it sounds like you are doing).

If, the above examination leads you to the military, approach it with your eyes open. You should know that an associate degree will NOT let you enter any branch of the military as an officer, much less as a captain. Approach a recruiter as you would a used car salesman. Recruiters are hand-picked and are very good at presenting a positive picture of the military. Learn what occupations your test scores qualify you for and talk to other current military personnel (not recruiters) about their experience in the military. The life of an infantryman is much different than that of an air traffic controller, mechanic, or electrician – find something that matches your plan.

If you are totally lost as to which direction to take, consider taking an interest and/or aptitude test. These are usually available at high school and college counseling centers. Military entrance and placement examinations are similar, but are oriented to military service.

In summary, rather than jumping to an unordered step (military, school, etc.), self-examination and development of a life plan will likely reduce your overall stress level and move you more quickly toward ultimate life goals. I wish you well.

 

[marke14]

I am thankful to those who choose to serve in my country's military. I think that when people do it for the right reasons, as most people do, that it is a great calling.

That said, personally I would not go the military route. I personally would not have a great reaction to the extremely formal command structure, lack of control over my daily routine, extended deployment, lifestyle, etc. A lot of people who join actually do want those things so if you fit into that category, then more power to you.

A friend of mine, his brother enlisted one day on a whim (I can tell you are seriously thinking it through - good). He was coming out of a grocery store in PA and the recruiters happened to be there and pounced on him at exactly the right time. He had broken up with his GF, had fought with his parents about living at home still, and was in a bad mood accordingly.

A year or so later, he was deployed to Falluja and was in a unit who was made to stay awake and on patrol for DAYS - literally. He told me some awful stories about some stuff that happened over there that I won't repeat here, but it was bad. I remembered as I heard the stories, about how he ended up in the service to begin with, and it makes me sad.

Just be really sure before you join the military. Huge, huge commitment.

Congrats on paying down your debt by the way. I wish I only had $3000 to go, but I have a little bit more. Like you, in the next year or so I will be debt free, except ongoing bills (rent, utilities, gas & groceries, insurance, health, etc.). It feels good to be getting to that point, and even better to know that I have the financial discipline to make it happen.

Work should not dominate your life, I agree with Option C - to try to scale back the hours, make some time for yourself and maybe even family and friends, and try to take a lunch break every day, weekends off if feasible, etc.

Good luck and hang in there!

 

[chunkygoat]

There's a lot of really good responses here you guys, thank you very much for the encouraging and wise words. I have reread some of your responses a few times over and I really like a few of the ideas you guys have come up with, especially the analysis and developing a life goal.

I'm going to let it brew and see how I feel, and what I come up with before leaping in a random direction.

Thank you again all of you guys for the guidance and direction, I really do appreciate it - and when I get more time I will try to write a more lengthy, personalized response to some of you guys'.